Spare Me

They telling me to pray...

But why?

It not like on my face

Is the expression...

"I need him seeking God"

They kept saying I can only imagine 

But damn...

Use your imagination...

So you can understand why praying..

Just won't cure what is tearing me apart!

I understand  the concern

I appreciate the attempt 

But you've failed to realize

That's not what I'm seeking

Nor did I even ask

You came to me...

When I was folded into a dark corner 

Just so I could mourn

You have imposed your 

Thoughts upon me

You were living you guilt through me

Nah! 

You got this all wrong

My mental is strong

At a time when my spirit is weak

God gave me understanding 

So that I could have the awareness 

To persevere through my most darkest hours

My eyes remain blurry 

From the tears I try to conceal

I am so depressed 

As I've laid to rest the most uplifting 

Aspects of my entire life

When I felt where I partially belonged

Now I'm totally discarded 

So I've chosen to walk in silence 

Just as in that box only I shall lay one day

Since that is the agreement 

So in life shall be as it will be in death

They said pray for Jehovah's protection 

I say... just let it be

Especially when I have been praying 

On those days

When I found myself weaker than today

When the living tore me to shreds

When I was fearful of where

I would lay my head

When I would seize

In the mist of a crowd

And the snickering that proceeded

From sheer ignorance by those who saw

When those that said they loved me

Sought to destroy my very existence 

Looked me in my eyes

And from behind slit my throat

Still they said pray about

When my mother passed on January 25th

When my father passed on February 5th

My sister sat still

As I was reduced to just some kid

Her mother adopted

Until the day of my father's funeral 

I hadn't heard my nieces voice in three years

I've known my biological mother for twenty seven years

I'm still closer to my daughter's grandmother than her

I'm that breeze everyone feels

But no one knows

My son called the police on his own father

When I stayed over night in jail

No one felt that hurt...

No one has been checking weekly for bond

But me

My baby girl so traumatized 

That she trying to slit her wrist 

Spent most of my adult life in a marriage 

Where love and compassion didn't exist 

Yet and still I fought

But they telling me to pray...

Nah I needed more than prayer

I needed death...

To spare me of this life...